Hell is loose.
EmotionalI have come to understand during a long time how ungrateful the human kind is. Lately I have gone more and more irritated and frustrated, though not directly towards humans, but the stupid rules and norms of our society that is completely fucked up.
I hate when people tell me that “of course you’re a happy person, you haven’t been through all the crap which most humans have. It is good that there are lucky persons like you so there’s at least some happiness in the world.”
Oh if they only knew. If I only could shout to their faces what I have lived through. But I don’t want to sink down to that stupid emotional level again, then again I kinda do. Not when I have learned that I get so much better when I focus about the things I love and which I am grateful for in life.
Though I’ve discovered some of the reasons why so freakin’ many people are depressed nowadays. Because there lies some safety in being depressed. You get some pleasure when people ask you how you feel today, and you can answer “oh, I feel fine!” without meaning it, showing the person that you are not really fine, and then feel a tiny bit more special and better because a person starts to worry about all the crap you feel at the moment!
Not only does depression feel safe because you can surround yourself with people that worry and care for you, but you can dig even deeper and create a distance from everyone without feeling guilty. Sometimes I wonder if a lot of people in this world are typical so called “emo”-people. The way they try to give out a signal that there’s something they’re depressed about but can’t freakin’ gather the courage to tell! And the more depressed they get, the more depressed people around them get because they don’t know how to handle the situation! And they feel useless!
People go into the “you don’t understand me”- mode. It is so easy for me to see how alike people are because I’ve been in the same stupid mode myself.
I hate that people never take me or my happiness seriously. I hate when people seem to think my whole personality is one huge joke. I’m tired of trying to explain happiness to people, because there’s most likely that everyone will think that “oh, I don’t need to be happy, I’m fine as it is now.”
I freakin’ wipe my ass with the word “fine”.
It is irritating, thinking that I also understand so well why people think it is such a hard thing to become happy and think good about their future. I also thought I would just go mentally ill if I tried to struggle more towards happiness, but it took less time than I ever could dream about to reach a point where everything turned wonderful. Less time and less courage and less stress than all the years of constant depression.
I wonder now and then why people find this weird safety knowing that people worry about them. It feels good to be able to be alive and knowing that you’re a person which people don’t have to worry about. A person who can take care of myself. Sure I can feel lonely sometimes, but those times are so far less dramatic and don’t come even half as often as they do in a depressed state.
I’m so tired of hearing people feeling so goddamn sorry for themselves when there are people who have been through a living hell who have raised from their miserable mode to reach happiness.
People who dare to believe in their dreams and who actually reach them. Because they spend time to cherish those dreams, be happy about them, instead of whining about never reaching them and that the road to get there is so long and hard.
Now I’m sorry for writing this. But for many weeks now my urge to post those words somewhere just to get them out have gone so strong that I would explode.
I will stand clearly for those words, but if this journal disappears it will be because I realize that I should keep this frustration for myself and let people think as they want.
I just really hate the fact that the society thinks happiness is something hard to reach. That people find it not normal to be grateful about small things.
“If I win a lottery or get rich and famous, then I shall be happy!”
Well good luck. Let’s see how far your hate towards the world will bring you.
Now if you've reached here. Please read this short text which could explain things in a bit more adult way; [link]
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You say my name like it gives you traumas...
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You say my name like it gives you traumas...
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You say my name like it gives you traumas...
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